"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive." Anaïs Nin

Need to change text size? Click one of these:
Small Medium Large Larger Largest

Want to read this post later? Send it to your Kindle reader:

Send to Kindle

Monday, September 17, 2012

"Forgiveness Does Not Always Lead To A Healed Relationship"

*Not his real name

When we recently traveled to Oregon, Fabulous Husband and I dropped in at the local clinic and visited with someone who had an important role in my life at one time. He was in a room with other chemotherapy patients receiving treatment. 

It had been five years since we last saw each other. He did not like that I had adopted a child. He did not like that I had met a man online who was coming from Pennsylvania to Oregon to meet the rest of my family. He disowned me as a family member and did not want his wife to have any contact with me.

As we entered the room, I didn't recognize *Vernon at first. I saw a man with a hat similar to the one he used to wear and thought that was him. Fabulous Husband pointed to another man. How did he know that was Vernon when he had never met the man before is beyond me. I did not expect seeing Vernon again would bring up so many past experiences and emotions. It was hard to believe this person actually had power to make me feel inept, unwanted and unaccepted for who I was and the choices I had made for my life.

It took him a moment to recognize me. Fabulous husband stood beside me. Have I mentioned how wise he is? We had discussed the moment I would be seeing this particular person and my hesitation to go visit. Fabulous Husband kindly stated, "This time it will be different. You have me now."

There was comfort in knowing that we were not alone in the room. There were other patients with family and friends lounging and visiting. Vernon was always on his best behavior when out in public.

I introduced him to Fabulous Husband. It didn't take long before Vernon asked me, "Are you hearing better these days?"

"What?" I asked, unsure if I saw his question correctly.

He did actually ask that in front of a roomful of people. Twice.

"No. I'm deaf now."

He looked at Fabulous Husband and asked, "How do you put up with that?"

I looked at Fabulous Husband, who did not say a word, but turned and looked at me with compassion, gentleness and love.

He loves. Patiently. Kindly. Truly. Sincerely.  

What Fabulous Husband said before we traveled to Oregon was true. It WAS different. It was different simply because of his love.

I saw this posted on FaceBook recently. It speaks volumes to me. I wish the words on the picture were larger so it could be read more easily. It simply says:

  "Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people just aren't capable of love and can be toxic to our lives. Sometimes we have to set up boundaries to protect ourselves. Wish them well, pray for them, and take care of yourself."


  1. Sounds like no change there for you. So glad you have support of your husband.

    Totally not the same but you know the difficulties I am having, that i have expressed on my blog, well I have the support of my boyfriend of it. It got heated at the weekend as discussing it was getting more painful and upsetting. Was getting stressed. And i ended up crying. I totally agreeded with what he had to say, I said that to him before crying. It just samt easier. I will be going more on it on my blog soon, after chatting with union rep via email. But it was that support I knew i had, like you had for yours.

    Love that poem. So true whoever wrote that.


  2. Liz, my heart and prayers go out to you. Sharing stories, praying, and just being there for one another are the greatest ways to support one another. May you move through your situation with peace and comfort. God's peace be with you.

    1. You too and thank you. Its nice knowing we can suport each other online. I have found support online great, and the same feeling of support if they were right here.

  3. You truly married the Most Fabulous Husband EVER. Your happiness together brings me joy. Thanks for sharing a difficult experience and the wisdom you gained from facing your fear.
    You are Ultra Fabulous yourself, Joyce.

  4. You are so sweet, Sarah, thank you! :-)